hello, little ones.
well, eliza youre almost as tall as your mom already so ‘somewhat little ones’.
eliza, youre finishing up your kindergarten expereince and youve excelled in every feasible way. you are so advanced in reading and writing, math, science, music, coding, and everything in between. you are a sponge and youre amazing at everything you put your mind to. theres so much art i can barely squirrel enough of it away to keep without the storage frame i have bursting at the seams.
ben, my beautiful boy. youre coming to the end of your second pre-k year and your language skills are growing so fast. you love to joke and laugh, and have debates with your sister. you love to ask for pokemon cards and then lose them almost immediately. you love the ninja turtles, transformers, pokemon, dinosaurs, and french fries.
its been a good year in our new house. ive got the kitchen renovation almost done, the playroom renovations been completed, i can almost fit cars in the garage, and you have an awesome treehouse in the back yard. we have a huge cedar planter full of tomatoes, lettuce, corn, strawberries, peppers, watermelon, cucmbers, bok choy, and onions. we planted all of them together and we’ve been watching them grow through the spring and youve already had a few salads thanks to your fast growing lettuce. youre so proud, both of you. you guys love being plant parents and even have your own color coded 3D printed shovels to help.
explaining the steps to grow plants and care for them then cultivate them properly has been a mind blowing experience for you guys in some ways, and total boredom in others. i love it, even though i really dont care for gardening. you guys have pulled me out of my shell with it and keep me on my toes ready to learn how to manage such a huge garden. this year has had a lot of ups and a few downs, but weve all learned a lot and grown in the process.
the word process means “a series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end”. actions we undertake not for the right now but for a delayed satisfaction or goal that we can later enjoy but for now we must work for. it took you guys a little bit of time to understand how the plants would takea lot of time to grow before we could enjoy them and that we cant rush it.
sometimes, a process involves seeing something right there and knowing you could grab it or change it or control it- and choosing not to. choosing to let the process play out and have things happen as theyre supposed to or need to rather than force it or control it. when we see you guys doing things you shouldnt, sometimes lessons are learned in the process via skinned knees, or dropped ice cream, or popped balloons. watching the process of you guys grow and learn so many things all at once is amazing. ive had to pull back my urges to step in all the time and protect / prevent and allow some things to be risked pr experienced so i dont hold you back out of my own fear.
your friends from down the street ride around in a little gang on their scooters and here, you guys didnt have the kind of scooters they had and missed out so we bought them and got helmets. i catch myself being so adamant about being slow, or not going down hills or the neighbors steep driveway but then slow myself down, remind you of dangers and watch you experience childhood.
i hate to see you guys get hurt, but in your growth as kids there will be skinned knees and bumped foreheads that teach lessons mama and i could never. i remember my own bumps and scrapes and how much they sucked, yet how much fun i had in between them. i never want to be the reason you cant grow or dont have absolute access to everything you need to do so.
ill never be hands off- ill be at arms length ready to catch you, carry you, bandage you, hold you, console you, cry with you, laugh with you, and take those sore first steps back toward your bike with you. in this life you will have falls, you will have setbacks. you will have awesome successes and abject failures. those highs and lows arent everything- its the in between that really counts. how we celebrate the wins and and seek shelter from the losses with those we love is what defines our lives. who was there when you needed them, where you were when they needed you and how quickly you came to their aid or to their side to celebrate.
we build our future with those we love not for ourselves but for all of our people one day, one step, one hug, one loving word, one kind gesture, or one hand held out to help you up at a time.
because life isnt a win or lose, black or white experience- its a process.
ben- youve been asking for weeks now and ive resisted your request.
but because youve asked so nicely and seriously and longingly-
yesterday, i inquired about a dog.
i havent responded to their messages back but im working on it. im trying to be ready.
its a process.
I Promised Her A Dachshund 