privilege

jamesLeave a comment

Hello, Little Ones.

We’ve had incredible fortune these past six months since I’ve written to you- none of us have contracted covid-19, we all remain happy and healthy. We’ve lost loved ones, had fears of losing others, and continue to struggle with our new truth with this pandemic.

aside from the day to day pandemic worries, there’s been an ongoing struggle within our world for hundreds of years that is now hopefully starting to change- inequity, racism, and the weaponization of privilege.

now, privilege is not a bad thing in and of itself- mama and i have worked extremely hard to give you the lives we want you to have, and never have to suffer or go without like i had to. privilege is defined as a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group. privilege is something whose definition changes depending on your lot in life- meaning, if youre born rich, everything is a privilege; if youre born poor, having food every day and a warm bed is a privilege. if youre born homeless, having a night inside is a privilege. rather than seeing our privilege as a means to help one another, society itself often uses privilege as a way of establishing that ‘us versus them’ mentality we’ve discussed so many times before as toxic and hurtful.

its a fairly universal truth that those with privilege seek to keep it; those without privilege seek to earn it. this can create a power struggle within many established societies that demographically and statistically places different races on distinct sides of that struggle: non-white people and white people. this doesnt mean youre doomed to be hated or deserve less than what you have at all. what this means, is that as white people we inherently have privilege in certain ways- societal prejudices often dont apply by default the way they do with people of color. we statistically are far less likely to be accosted or killed by police, to be of lower income, and far more likely to finish school, go to college or trade school, and own a home. that’s without factoring in your work ethic, your willingness to earn- just statistically the scales are tipped that far in your favor as a white person by default.

now, that can be hard to grapple with. how can i, without ever doing anything to bring this inequity about, do anything to help change it? first off, people dont want charity. people dont want to be seen as needing a handout or given sympathy. people need a fair shot- if a white boy and a black boy are born rich or poor, the white boy is twice as likely as the black boy to remain rich, or simply end up not poor. this doesnt mean people of color are less capable or willing- what it means is accepting that hundreds of years of slavery, oppression, and systemic racism in america exists and has always existed in various forms. it is impossible for many people of color to break through these barriers given the tremendous obstacles placed in their path from top to bottom. what we can do as allies and people of this country is actively rise up and do something. protest against inequalities and inequities, support politicians whose message seeks to right these wrongs, and never be afraid to challenge the loud voice of the oppressors no matter how red or orange they may get in the face while spewing their garbage.

black boys are as many as six times more likely to be shot and killed by police, not factoring in that they’re also ten times as likely to be shot and killed as the result of violent crime in their communities. these statistics vary in ways but always turn out the same- systemically people of color are impacted by their environment, access to education, and lack of systemic inclusion in much different and unacceptably detrimental ways than white people.

racism isn’t always clear- there are many historical cases where it was open and apparent, but even more cases where racism exists due to indirect actions meant to impact people of color ‘indirectly’ but cannot be proven due to a ‘lack of intent’; meaning you cant prove that was the intended outcome, because the stated intended outcome was this other thing. terms like ‘gerrymandering’, ‘red tape’, and ‘white nationalism’ are often ways to describe systematic racism that cannot be clearly defined and proven as such, but have the same outcomes as direct racist actions regardless. when oppressors’ power is threatened, you see this in action- when voters choose to go against the oppressors, often laws are changed and more people marginalized to silence their voices and try to get power back to the oppressors. the oppressors seem like they have the power, but there’s power in numbers, and those of us who seek equality and equity for all have more numbers and there’s much more power in unity than ever will be in divisiveness.

above all, respect people for who they are and what they do. good people dont hate other people. good people dont seek to harm others because it benefits them. holding others back for your own gain is against all teachings of man and gods. if you have a voice, use it. if you have an opportunity, use it. if you have a chance to address it, do it. if you do it, do it well and always. if you breathe, you can love.

privilege isnt having guilt for having what you have- privilege is being thankful for what you have and earn, and using it to do what you can to help those around you and especially those worse off than you. we dont better ourselves by hurting others and keeping them down; we better our world by helping those in need move upward and forward. when in doubt, do more than you think you need.

all lives cant matter until black lives matter.

if you feel guilty for having privilege, youre not doing enough.

character matters

james1 Comment

hello, little ones.

it’s been forever.

Ben, you’re now eight months old, and Eliza, you’re more than two years old. This year feels as though it’s been its own lifetime by now, and watching the two of you grow has made every moment of it so complete.

one aspect of this year marred by virus and global pandemic is our presidential election. for four years we’ve had a president who [arguably] ran on a platform of ‘us versus them’ and amplified the differences among peoples rather than unite them. A man whose life is riddled with racism, sexism, bigotry, and bullying. America elected him president in an unprecedented election in 2016 and has been a global embarrassment ever since. The idea of rational discussion and debate was thrown out the window, instead favoring fearmongering and making the truth whatever he wanted it to be.

In 2020, America showed its soul and defeated that man, electing a man with morals, principles, and honor. America showed the world we are not a nation of ‘us versus them’ but a nation of people capable of respecting one another’s differences and uniting under a common goal of decency, love, and caring for the least capable of us within society. America is not the land of the strong abusing the weak, the rich abusing their power, and the people propping up oligarchs; America is a land where everyone’s voice matters. Every single American who voted matters. Regardless of how they voted- in the mail, in person, or otherwise, every single voice matters. Record numbers of people voted this year to defeat bigoted simpletons incapable of seeing past their own interests. Millions of people turned out and stood in lines despite a pandemic to have their voice heard and push back against the tide of indecency and refused to be represented by this man.

some day, you’ll understand politics, and the many different viewpoints people have, and the hopefully respectable, evidence driven stances they have on our economy, social issues, etc. don’t rush into it, there’s no going back and it has been a mess. hopefully by the time you can read these and make your own political decisions America really will be a much better place to be.

No matter who you grow up to be, or how much you make, or where you go in this world, character matters.

mutual

jamesLeave a comment

hello, little ones.

the world has been so busy these last few months, and so have you. eliza, you continue to blow us away every day with your vocabulary, your smile, and your penchant for loving the world around you. ben, you are growing so fast- your little roars, your hand-eye coordination, and best of all your ability to sleep through the night are astounding.

 

the world is still battling covid-19, the same virus that originated in China as far as we know and traveled so fast because of how interconnected we are. it shows this sort of problem isn’t just a problem for others, its our problem as humans. this brings me to my thoughts for you two today – the word mutual. 

Webster’s dictionary defines mutual as:

mutual

1a: directed by each toward the other or the others; mutual affection
b: having the same feelings one for the other ‘they had long been mutual enemies’
c: shared in common; ‘enjoying their mutual hobby’
d: joint; their mutual advantage
2: characterized by intimacy; mutual contacts
3: of or relating to a plan whereby the members of an organization share in the profits and expenses
     all in all, mutual means together, relying on each other. everyone is a member, but each person has responsibilities along with the benefits of working together. today, we are being asked to wear masks, not go out to stores or restaurants, and limit the people we talk to. It can be really hard, but wearing masks can dramatically reduce the risk of infection by 70%. That means when two people wear masks, even if one person is infected they have a much, much less chance of being infected thanks to mutual respect and protection of one another. Thats because each persons mask doesnt protect themselves- it protects the other person. when only one person wears a mask, both are still at high risk of infection. it takes mutual respect for one another for the reduction to work, and thankfully most people are doing it and are willing to protect one another.
     mutual means we give, and we take. we give back to those who give to us, and take what we need. we give respect, and receive respect in turn. the system only works if the exchange is mutual; theres no room to be selfish, no room for seeing yourself as more important than anyone else.
     so, when you see these days in videos or in history books, thats why so many people are wearing masks; not because our masks protect us from the virus itself, but because together our masks help everyone around us stay safe just in case we’re exposed. a mutual respect for one another to stay safe despite how uncomfortable it can be to wear a mask, especially in the summer. 
     there are lots of other things that are mutually beneficial to us and our people, like hand washing. Washing our hands gets all the stickies and dirties off our hands and helps us feel clean, but it also protects our people too. Underneath all those stickies and dirties can be germs and viruses we pick up from surfaces like door handles, shopping carts, money, etc. Not to worry, most of them are harmless. the rest we can usually take care of by washing our hands! good soap and warm water takes care of almost all of those germs and whatnot very effectively, protecting ourselves and our people around us. the same way wearing a mask works. if only one of us washes our hands, we’re both at risk.
     we love you, little ones. your dad just got tested for covid19 yesterday and will be tested again tomorrow to see if a recent exposure at work will impact you. im so sorry youre going through this, and can only hope you dont remember any of it. your futures are so bright, so warm, and so full of love.
     these days will end and well have gotten through it together, mutually.

socialization

jamesLeave a comment

hello, little ones.

one day youll read about this past month and the coming months and see a few words over and over again; infection, virus, and socialization are a few of the most common.

we talked a bit about infection, and viruses a bit before but we havent talked about socialization itself too much. Socialization is when we connect with others and share words, space, and ideas. currently were being asked to limit our socialization and stay away from one another as much as we can to keep the virus from spreading to people that can avoid it. its recommended we stay six feet (thats one whole daddy length) away from one another. of course you dont know that right now,so no one can blame you for wanting to cuddle in tight and give all the best kisses.

ben, you havent met your great grandparents, or aunts and uncles yet because of this, and eliza you havent hugged much of your family in a while but were getting along well. no one is sick, and were all working to keep it that way. grandma and grandpap are home due to schools being closed down to keep kids safe, gigi and papa are staying at home to keep themselves safe, and your uncle and aunts are doing their part to keep themselves safe and not get us sick by accident.

you dont understand any of this right now, and you dont need to. you have so many people that love you so much and do their best to keep you safe. mama is working to keep your house safe, and spending time with you guys so you dont miss out on anything. im working from home and doing some things at the crisis center a few nights a week, and grandma and pappap are working from our house too. no matter how difficult or scary things can seem youre never alone. not only do you have us, but you now have each other.

since the day you met ben, youve loved him so much, eliza. youve taken every chance to kiss, hug, touch, and ‘aww’ at him. you look at him with such adoration and unfettered love. he is so little, so helpless, and defenseless and you approach him with such tender care. weve now seen your first hug, your first kisses, and your first time saying hello to your little brother, and him learning you, your face, and your voice.

ive seen the first, now i cant wait for the next 9,999.

 

infectious

jamesLeave a comment

hello, little one.

throughout your life, people will use a lot of confusing terms in a lot of ways. terms like “killer” which inherently means awful and murderous, but is used to say something is really intriguing.

one of these such terms has really been used a lot lately, and i thought i would clarify with you and explain a little. the term ‘infectious’ has a very defined meaning but totally different uses depending on what it’s defining; a disease can be infectious the same way your smile is infectious- the same meaning but two very different uses. an infectious disease is very negative, whereas an infectious smile is so positive it can hardly be avoided.

right now, our world is going through a lot of the negative infectious words. something called a virus (another word for a sickness as far as were concerned) started somewhere far away but spread all across the world. sounds scary, right? it can be. when we look at it, this virus spread through people being with one another – people talking, hugging, playing, working, laughing, traveling; it spread because of how many people come together every day to accomplish goals and work together.

when people get sick from this virus, it can be really hard to breathe, and sometimes people need extra help to breathe. if they dont get that help they can sometimes die. the good news is all those good people who work together in hospitals are still working and taking care of the sick people to help them get better. people who arent sick are giving everyone else extra space to try and keep from getting sick. if we give everyone else extra space, the chances of the virus spreading goes way down. so far, mommy and daddy, you, grandma and grandpap, uncle alex and aunt katie and aunt julia are all safe and healthy.

you may learn about this years from now and as scary as things can sound, there are still happy things happening – right now mama is in the hospital keeping herself healthy so she can give birth to your baby brother. mama fell one night and he decided to come but hes a little too early so were waiting as long as we can before he comes to make sure hes healthy and strong like you. he’ll spend some time in the hospital before coming home so he can get stronger before meeting you and olive and franklin. until then, youre spending so much good time with grandma and grandpap at your house running, talking, and reading.

it can be scary but there are so many good things, so many good people, and so many sunny days we cant forget to enjoy- if we only look for the bad we will only see the bad. if we look for the good, we will see the good. if we cant see the good, be the good.

you are the light of my life, little one. you use your love to light the way for everyone around you, and your infectious smile spreads joy in every direction.

you give your mama so much strength every moment she sees you.

because i promised her a dachshund

memories

jamesLeave a comment

hello, little one.

its been some time since i’ve written to you. I’ve been so wrapped up in you, work, your mom, and your rapidly arriving baby brother.

i wanted to write to you again, you little beauty, you big sister – because youre at the stage where youre starting to make memories. memories are what we interpret the world around us to be and how it impacts us. it impacts us emotionally, cognitively, physically – and what our memories are depends on how we are impacted. not everyone remembers the same event the same; people see things differently and for different reasons.

like the time you cried when mama wouldnt let you play with the light socket, or when dad grabbed you on the stairs and carried you rather than let you climb. or, that time i spent a very long day with my uncle when i was around 10 or 11.

my uncle michael (your great-uncle) is a very unique person. uncle mike is the oldest of his siblings but very much the youngest at heart. one day, uncle mike took us (me, your aunt jessica, aunt ashley, cousin angela, cousin derrin, cousin bryan) to a state park for a hike. we took wiffle ball bats, wiffle balls, and mitts with us to play for a bit, and set off on our adventure. we walked about two miles to the entrance to the state park, and walked down the concrete slope, weaving back and forth, touching the smooth roughness of the stone embankments on either side of the road/path. we walked a good ways, catching up with our cousins from texas, and had a great time. A few hours later, we were still walking.

we had lost sight of anyone else in the park or on the path, and the sun was losing its shine; the sky had become golden in a ‘time to get home before the streetlights come on’ sort of way. we talked to uncle mike about where we were, asked if we could go home, or if he knew where we were going. Mike would playfully tell us to stop whining, or dismiss it and we’d playfully take a few swings at his 500 pound self with our wiffle ball bats and keep walking.

eventually, it got dark. we got scared. we found a way to climb up the side of a ravine and emerged back onto a street somewhat close to our grandmothers house after doubling back a ways through the park and walking about 11 miles in all. the police had been called, parents worried, everyone on alert. eventually we were seen and picked up, and uncle mike banned from ever watching us again.

i held onto that memory for a long time as ‘mike is such an idiot’ before realizing a few things: my uncle mike struggled with mental health all his life, and im very sure was autistic. he suffered through relationships, family dynamics, and trying to be something more than ‘difficult’. he was a gifted journalist but lacked ability to wash his own clothes. he drove a car, kept his schedule, lived on his own- but didnt have the ability to clean his apartment, cook, or keep himself clean. he relied heavily on people to help him; people who ridiculed him, blamed him, and called him a slob. people he called family, people who were supposed to love and support him, people who never simply said ‘i love you’ without a ‘but…’ after it.

i realized that day, my uncle was trying to connect with us. he tried to do something fun with kids without ever having any idea what kids do, or how to be a responsible adult chaperone. he had as much knowledge of how to keep kids safe as we kids had, if not less. he wanted to give us a great day of fun, but had no clue. he was over 500 pounds walking 11 miles in the summer heat. he very much could have been hurt or worse, leaving us kids to manage that situation. but he hadnt thought about that, because he didnt know he needed to. he wanted to spend time with us, and thats as far as his capacity went. was it irresponsible? absolutely. dangerous? very much. regrettable? always. his intentions were purely to spend time with us, to love us, to be someone in our lives and do what he could with what he had. he tried to the best of his ability, and thankfully avoided any egregious consequences.

your aunts and i laugh about that day whenever we talk about your great uncle mike. it was scary to go through, but looking back we can laugh now. it was a day he hoped to connect with us and have us remember for other, more positive, happier reasons. it was a day he hoped he could be the hero, the good guy, the awesome uncle rather than the broke, aloof, idiot brother he had come to know himself as.

our memories dont always come to us clearly; they honestly rarely do. it takes time to see the purpose or reason or explanation for things that in the moment we might not see, or appreciate, or understand fully. his actions will never be excused, but they are being understood. we want to always seek understanding, because we dont have forever. we dont always have days, or weeks, or months to ignore an issue or allow distance between ourselves. i dont think you’ll get to meet your great uncle before his time on earth is over, and i apologize for that. he would absolutely love you, and the little smile you give each and every day that looks just like my grandfather’s.

in the moment it may feel like we’re a little harsh, or hypocritical, or illogical, but know we want you to be safe and happy.  theres nothing we would ever do to harm you, or bring you pain. you are who you are, and thats enough. there will never be a ‘but…’ after any ‘i love you’ or any reason for your unhappiness other than you not quite understanding our intentions just yet.

i love you, little one. i cant wait for your first hug with your little brother the same way i cant wait for your 10,000th one.

 

because i promised her a dachshund

breakfast

jamesLeave a comment

breakfast is what we call a meal. a meal is one of the times during the day we stop what were doing, sit down (ideally) and eat something, ideally with family or friends. all of our meals are important, but breakfast-  breakfast is special.

im not talking about the cereal ads or school lunch programs telling you breakfast is the most important meal of the day, im talking about those precious few moments in the morning you take before running off to whatever the day holds. breakfast is the beginning of the day, before anything happens. breakfast is the last bit of slow before everything speeds up.

your grandpap loves breakfast. we all do. but he loves it for special reasons. your grandpap from what i hear loved to eat breakfast and run off to start the day like a whirlwind, but that changed when he met Sophie.

Sophie, that little mixed pup your mom, aunt julia, and uncle alex got from the pound when they were little. that little dog your grandpap wasnt so sure of in the beginning, and wasnt excited about taking responsibility for. that little pup. throughout her life on this planet, Sophie was an old soul that brought joy to everyone she met. aside from me, as youve read. she hated me at first. she was such a good girl. but as her years went on she formed a very special bond with your grandpap that unsurprisingly always began at breakfast.

even before the rest of the house was up, your grandpap would have his coffee and toast or cereal at the table and there would be Sophie, sitting pretty right under his chair or with her nose in his lap. Your grandpap made a point to share his toast with her every morning, and when he had time and materials, would send her on sausage walks in the back yard. he would hide breakfast sausages around the yard, the deck, the pool, etc for Sophie to seek out, find, and enjoy. your grandpap really came to love this morning routine every day up until her last few hours really. if Sophie felt up to walking around and chomping on toast and sausages, your grandpap was right there to enjoy the time with her.

we dont often slow down and enjoy the little things. even the things like food in the morning. most of us grab and go, or simply eat whatever as we go out the door. I myself have never been much of a breakfast person. ever. id usually just skip it and have lunch whenever it came. it wasnt until these past few months that i really came to appreciate breakfast for what it really is.

its starting the day off with a smile, having an enjoyable moment to mute out the negative, and starting the day without missing out on something. i feel like i got to experience something, ive stolen time with you that i dont typically get. 

during the week i miss out on your daily routine, on the weekends i miss out on your day/evening/night stuff because i work so much. i feel like i cant win sometimes but breakfast- these days i get to spend time with you before work, are amazing.

from the moment i roll your cheese omelette out of the pan your little toes are swirling, doing full cycles in excitement. While it cools down, i slice up your banana, watching your eyes follow the knife up and down, your little fingers reaching out, hoping to grasp just one squishy morsel…

if i blinked, i would miss so much of what ive come to hold so dear. your little mannerisms, your little sayings, your teeny little gestures. if i were to get caught up in what im doing so much would pass me by. carefully watching you as you observe my every movement, demanding they focus on moving the food closer and closer to your reach, wishing those bananas could roll themselves onto your plate. watching those hands, fully functional and adept, working their way toward me and making your newfound ‘im hungry’ gestures and ‘give it to me’ beckonings. thats what breakfast is about. its about watching you learning the process of being together, the intimacy of sharing a meal, of knowing food is a necessity, but its the elections we make in how we spend our time, who we spend it with, and enjoying the process.

i sit down with you at the table, placing food on your plate and taking a few bits of my own. you with your bananas and cut up omelette, me with my banana and half omelette. stealing glances from you between bites, smiles as we talk, gently voicing what youre eating, and congratulating you on effective use of hands and utensils. time itself feels like it simultaneously is standing still but speeding up, limiting this forever i want to spend with you, little one.

as you grow, i look forward to every flavor, every touch, every experience you have and hold. every day i have with you, and every meal we share. but breakfasts- breakfasts will always be special.

 

 

building

jamesLeave a comment

hello, little one.

building is itself a peculiar word. it has multiple meanings, directions, and purposes. ‘building’ can be an action or a thing – either building something or simply ‘a building’.

your great grandfather Gordon loved building things. he was a toolmaker for Ridgid Tool for i think 35 years, then worked as a clerk at Builder’s Square Hardware Store giving advice and guidance to people seeking help for projects. he taught me how to use a grinder, a table saw, and most importantly – a hammer. he taught me that the way things are isnt how they always will be, or have to be. i could change things to how i wanted them or how i needed them. all i needed were the right tools.

with a hammer and nails i could turn scraps of wood into my very own sword. with a grinder i could sharpen my blade so sharp i could cut weeds with a single swing. i could help replace my grandma’s wooden squirrels when they fell off their trees. i could.

the building where your great grandfather taught me how to build things might not belong to our family anymore, but the building itself houses so many memories and parts of me within it. the same way our house now hold parts of you, me, your mom, and all of our family. and soon, your baby brother or sister.

buildings where we build things are special places full of special people. look at our house – from the moment we bought the house your mom and i have been building. building our family with you, building the backyard to make sure you have a safe place to play, building the front porch, and building a new kitchen where i can teach you to cook and what it means to spend time and share with friends and family. where your moms father taught me all there is to know about kitchen demo, renovations, cabinet building, and maintaining your appliances.

a building is just a structure, but building within it takes patience, love, and understanding. with patience, love, and understanding a building becomes a home. and a building where we build things like families. a home where you will learn to use a hammer, a hairbrush, an impact driver, a chefs knife, makeup brushes, and paint sprayers. a building where youll build things like your education, your friendships, your heartbreaks, your future, and your best most loved things.

a building where we build things for you and the home youll know forever as part of the life weve built because i promised her a dachshund.

differences

jamesLeave a comment

hello, little one.

I’ve been busy watching you be so busy and oh so excited about everything around you. at eleven months old you’ve taken your first international trip. you spent a week or so with family in Canada swimming, boating, and generally lighting up the very room for anyone around you.

i thought i might take some time and talk to you about differences, seeing as youve been in so many different places with so many different people this past month.

we are people. people are people, and they have their own people the same way you have your own people. they have mamas and dads, and grandmas and grandpaps and puppies and homes and teddy bears too. people dont always look the same, or sound the same, or smell the same. they eat different foods, use different things, live in different places, and have different likes, dislikes, and beliefs. these differences dont make us different from one another, they make our people our people.

the only time anyone is different is if we make them different. it isnt food, or religion, or skin color, or where someones from that makes them who they are – its love. love is what makes people our people. love is what makes all those different things not so different. love is being open, and willing to connect and share.

if we connect with people that dont look like us, theyre not so different.

if we try the food were not so used to eating, its not so different.

if we listen to music and voices were not used to hearing, theyre not so different.

if we learn about beliefs were not used to following, theyre not so different.

if we touch people were not used to reaching out for, theyre not so different.

 

if we refuse to learn about what is different, it always will be different. it will be us versus them instead of us being people. if we refuse to accept and love, we can fall into hate and prejudice. if hate and prejudice are allowed to exist, people become less than people, and people suffer.

i ask you, my little one, always be willing to learn. if youre willing to learn, youre able to turn differences into experiences and question marks into relationships. venture into the world with your smile and personality, and find that the world is an amazing place full of people willing to teach you and learn from you.

there are always going to be those people unwilling to learn, unwilling to see people as people and instead see the world as us versus them. Recognize those people as they are- unwilling to learn and closed off.

Our own light will never shine brighter by extinguishing another’s. but with enough lights shining together, you can illuminate even the darkest of nights. our strength as people is in coming together, and loving one another.

 

communication

jamesLeave a comment

i haven’t written in a while, i know.

I’m sorry.

its been hard to write life advice or direction when i still dont have this whole life, fatherhood, family thing sorted out. but its that very idea that spawned my motivation for this letter.

The past few months ive watched you grow with such satisfaction and wonder. you’ve gone from mimicking some words and actions to actively conversing and reacting to your mom and i. I walk through the door, and upon saying ‘hi’ i’m greeted with a small wave and my very own little ‘hi!’ right back at me.

I’ve watched your communication with your mom and i regarding your temperature, being hungry, thirsty, poopy, and sometimes just tired or grumpy. You’ve watched me talking to mom, the dogs, family members, and even facetime daily with your grandma and grandpap. The sheer amount and depth of communication you have with so many people that love you is amazing.

never be afraid to communicate with your mom and i. every day i see stories of how kids werent able to talk to their parents, or lived a life without their support, or the parents even disowned their kids. there will never be a story you cant tell, a mishap you cant explain, or a truth we wont support. looking into your little baby blues i cant wait for the day i ask you a question and you answer me back. the day i tell you i love you and hear those words come sweeping back at me, playing their melody through the air, tugging at my very heart and electrifying my soul. nothing you can ever do would ever make me feel any different.

you are an amazing little girl. an amazing daughter, and perfect child. your mom has made you who you are to this point, and continues to ensure everything about you is perfect. when the time comes for you to spread your own little wings and make your own choices, your own mistakes, and face your own challenges I hope you remember you always have us to turn to.

i hope i dont do anything to turn you away like my father did to me, or make you feel less than absolutely my hopes and dreams personified. i promise you from now through my last day i will never turn you away or want anything but to wrap you in my arms and never let you go. should i ever infringe on this promise or even come close to breaking it, communicate with me. tell me. hold me to my promise. because we always give our people our best, and i want nothing less than my best for you. Im only human, im not perfect, but im your dad. i owe you more than my best. never let me forget that.

i love you, little one. your mom made me the best man i can be, your grandparents made me the son they saw in me, and youve made me the father i never knew i could be.

promises i make, and promises i keep all because i promised her a dachshund.