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breakfast is what we call a meal. a meal is one of the times during the day we stop what were doing, sit down (ideally) and eat something, ideally with family or friends. all of our meals are important, but breakfast-  breakfast is special.

im not talking about the cereal ads or school lunch programs telling you breakfast is the most important meal of the day, im talking about those precious few moments in the morning you take before running off to whatever the day holds. breakfast is the beginning of the day, before anything happens. breakfast is the last bit of slow before everything speeds up.

your grandpap loves breakfast. we all do. but he loves it for special reasons. your grandpap from what i hear loved to eat breakfast and run off to start the day like a whirlwind, but that changed when he met Sophie.

Sophie, that little mixed pup your mom, aunt julia, and uncle alex got from the pound when they were little. that little dog your grandpap wasnt so sure of in the beginning, and wasnt excited about taking responsibility for. that little pup. throughout her life on this planet, Sophie was an old soul that brought joy to everyone she met. aside from me, as youve read. she hated me at first. she was such a good girl. but as her years went on she formed a very special bond with your grandpap that unsurprisingly always began at breakfast.

even before the rest of the house was up, your grandpap would have his coffee and toast or cereal at the table and there would be Sophie, sitting pretty right under his chair or with her nose in his lap. Your grandpap made a point to share his toast with her every morning, and when he had time and materials, would send her on sausage walks in the back yard. he would hide breakfast sausages around the yard, the deck, the pool, etc for Sophie to seek out, find, and enjoy. your grandpap really came to love this morning routine every day up until her last few hours really. if Sophie felt up to walking around and chomping on toast and sausages, your grandpap was right there to enjoy the time with her.

we dont often slow down and enjoy the little things. even the things like food in the morning. most of us grab and go, or simply eat whatever as we go out the door. I myself have never been much of a breakfast person. ever. id usually just skip it and have lunch whenever it came. it wasnt until these past few months that i really came to appreciate breakfast for what it really is.

its starting the day off with a smile, having an enjoyable moment to mute out the negative, and starting the day without missing out on something. i feel like i got to experience something, ive stolen time with you that i dont typically get. 

during the week i miss out on your daily routine, on the weekends i miss out on your day/evening/night stuff because i work so much. i feel like i cant win sometimes but breakfast- these days i get to spend time with you before work, are amazing.

from the moment i roll your cheese omelette out of the pan your little toes are swirling, doing full cycles in excitement. While it cools down, i slice up your banana, watching your eyes follow the knife up and down, your little fingers reaching out, hoping to grasp just one squishy morsel…

if i blinked, i would miss so much of what ive come to hold so dear. your little mannerisms, your little sayings, your teeny little gestures. if i were to get caught up in what im doing so much would pass me by. carefully watching you as you observe my every movement, demanding they focus on moving the food closer and closer to your reach, wishing those bananas could roll themselves onto your plate. watching those hands, fully functional and adept, working their way toward me and making your newfound ‘im hungry’ gestures and ‘give it to me’ beckonings. thats what breakfast is about. its about watching you learning the process of being together, the intimacy of sharing a meal, of knowing food is a necessity, but its the elections we make in how we spend our time, who we spend it with, and enjoying the process.

i sit down with you at the table, placing food on your plate and taking a few bits of my own. you with your bananas and cut up omelette, me with my banana and half omelette. stealing glances from you between bites, smiles as we talk, gently voicing what youre eating, and congratulating you on effective use of hands and utensils. time itself feels like it simultaneously is standing still but speeding up, limiting this forever i want to spend with you, little one.

as you grow, i look forward to every flavor, every touch, every experience you have and hold. every day i have with you, and every meal we share. but breakfasts- breakfasts will always be special.

 

 

hello, little one.

I’ve been busy watching you be so busy and oh so excited about everything around you. at eleven months old you’ve taken your first international trip. you spent a week or so with family in Canada swimming, boating, and generally lighting up the very room for anyone around you.

i thought i might take some time and talk to you about differences, seeing as youve been in so many different places with so many different people this past month.

we are people. people are people, and they have their own people the same way you have your own people. they have mamas and dads, and grandmas and grandpaps and puppies and homes and teddy bears too. people dont always look the same, or sound the same, or smell the same. they eat different foods, use different things, live in different places, and have different likes, dislikes, and beliefs. these differences dont make us different from one another, they make our people our people.

the only time anyone is different is if we make them different. it isnt food, or religion, or skin color, or where someones from that makes them who they are – its love. love is what makes people our people. love is what makes all those different things not so different. love is being open, and willing to connect and share.

if we connect with people that dont look like us, theyre not so different.

if we try the food were not so used to eating, its not so different.

if we listen to music and voices were not used to hearing, theyre not so different.

if we learn about beliefs were not used to following, theyre not so different.

if we touch people were not used to reaching out for, theyre not so different.

 

if we refuse to learn about what is different, it always will be different. it will be us versus them instead of us being people. if we refuse to accept and love, we can fall into hate and prejudice. if hate and prejudice are allowed to exist, people become less than people, and people suffer.

i ask you, my little one, always be willing to learn. if youre willing to learn, youre able to turn differences into experiences and question marks into relationships. venture into the world with your smile and personality, and find that the world is an amazing place full of people willing to teach you and learn from you.

there are always going to be those people unwilling to learn, unwilling to see people as people and instead see the world as us versus them. Recognize those people as they are- unwilling to learn and closed off.

Our own light will never shine brighter by extinguishing another’s. but with enough lights shining together, you can illuminate even the darkest of nights. our strength as people is in coming together, and loving one another.

 

i haven’t written in a while, i know.

I’m sorry.

its been hard to write life advice or direction when i still dont have this whole life, fatherhood, family thing sorted out. but its that very idea that spawned my motivation for this letter.

The past few months ive watched you grow with such satisfaction and wonder. you’ve gone from mimicking some words and actions to actively conversing and reacting to your mom and i. I walk through the door, and upon saying ‘hi’ i’m greeted with a small wave and my very own little ‘hi!’ right back at me.

I’ve watched your communication with your mom and i regarding your temperature, being hungry, thirsty, poopy, and sometimes just tired or grumpy. You’ve watched me talking to mom, the dogs, family members, and even facetime daily with your grandma and grandpap. The sheer amount and depth of communication you have with so many people that love you is amazing.

never be afraid to communicate with your mom and i. every day i see stories of how kids werent able to talk to their parents, or lived a life without their support, or the parents even disowned their kids. there will never be a story you cant tell, a mishap you cant explain, or a truth we wont support. looking into your little baby blues i cant wait for the day i ask you a question and you answer me back. the day i tell you i love you and hear those words come sweeping back at me, playing their melody through the air, tugging at my very heart and electrifying my soul. nothing you can ever do would ever make me feel any different.

you are an amazing little girl. an amazing daughter, and perfect child. your mom has made you who you are to this point, and continues to ensure everything about you is perfect. when the time comes for you to spread your own little wings and make your own choices, your own mistakes, and face your own challenges I hope you remember you always have us to turn to.

i hope i dont do anything to turn you away like my father did to me, or make you feel less than absolutely my hopes and dreams personified. i promise you from now through my last day i will never turn you away or want anything but to wrap you in my arms and never let you go. should i ever infringe on this promise or even come close to breaking it, communicate with me. tell me. hold me to my promise. because we always give our people our best, and i want nothing less than my best for you. Im only human, im not perfect, but im your dad. i owe you more than my best. never let me forget that.

i love you, little one. your mom made me the best man i can be, your grandparents made me the son they saw in me, and youve made me the father i never knew i could be.

promises i make, and promises i keep all because i promised her a dachshund.

blood is one of those words that has a lot of different meanings- blood is what runs throughout our bodies that helps us breathe, move, and think. It’s also what connects us to family, meaning ‘having the same blood’. our families are often what gives us life, and give us purpose.

i want you to know now and forever, that ‘being blood’ with someone doesn’t mean you have to like them, or know them, or touch them, or see them, or forgive them. you’ll hear things like ‘blood is thicker than water’, which means family is always first. but, there are times where families aren’t good friends, or where families dont get along or dont see one another. it happens.

dont feel afraid or upset about how you feel toward a family member for something they, or you, or you both did. you’re still a person that has rights, and feelings, and are still worth everything. not every relationship whether family or not, is positive and not every relationship is fair. however we do seek forgiveness for any wrongs that we do. we seek to make our errors right. we push ourselves to be the best person we can. we give others our best, and in return we hope we receive their best. we might not always receive the best in others, but we always always always give our best to our people.

the only person able to define what fair, or love, who your people are or family is, is you. family knows no blood, no race, no distance. family is who and what you make it to be.

but i can tell you what family is to me. family is that crushing feeling when the person you love is hurt, or in trouble. family is that feeling when even though nothing happened to you, you feel their pain. you feel their sadness. when your person is happy, you’re flying in the clouds with them. when your person is angry, your face turns red and you stomp your feet with them.

family is caring for your person or your people forever. not because anyone tells you to, or expects you to, but because you want to. like your favorite toys – when you care about them you do things to keep them safe, to keep them clean, to protect them. mom or i might remind you to pick them up or put them away, but ultimately its your choice how well you care for them. its how much they mean to you that matters. as much as anyone will ever tell you to care about something or love something, never forget it’s always your choice to love, and its always your choice what that looks like.

sometimes your people might not give you their best, and that’s ok. we always give our people our best, because sometimes our people might need us a little more. when we need our people, they give us what we need.

family isn’t about blood, or what others have to give you; it’s about always giving your best when your people need you, and your people giving you their best when you need them. if you ever fall short, seek forgiveness and love your people. if your people ever fall short, see them, hear them, and give them your best. make no promises, but always give them your best.

 

no matter how old, outdated, or mature you might find your mom and I, we love to have fun. we love to laugh, push each others buttons, and try to find the humor in life. as an adult, we have responsibilities to quite a few things- bills, pets, family, and now you. in making sure responsibilities are taken care of we can lose sight of the fun, and I hope you learn to laugh and smile and always remind us that happiness and laughter is why we’re all here.

once we found out when to expect you in late 2018, adulthood really came into focus. it was no longer ‘life as-is’. We had a deadline. We needed to have things together by early to mid september, no excuses. you were holding a one way ticket, and your train wasn’t being delayed for anything. your mom and I had frank discussions about the future- really for the first time since our wedding. after we were married we were living life and seeing where things led, but with really no concrete milestones. just us, franklin, and olive in our townhouse, thinking we might move, maybe not, who knows?

now, we had to know. we had to know if we could buy a house, where we might live, and if we would be stuck in the townhouse we were renting. it wasn’t a terrible place, to be fair. the house was right near your mom’s work, and I could get to my office fairly easily. what wasn’t ideal was mice in the basement and being on top of one another, and neither of those issues would work with a newborn baby.

you might come to know by the time you read these that your dad isn’t one for taking life; your dad doesn’t hunt because he doesn’t really have to. your dad enjoys target shooting and building guns as a hobby, but isn’t into hunting. when it came to the mice and the potential harm bacteria they carry could do to you and your mom while you were developing, there was no choice. it was time to wage war. a few weeks and a lot of traps later, the mice were gone. your dad saw a few get trapped in traps, and had to dispatch one himself because it was sick and actually made its way into the kitchen.

adulthood.

by then we had started talking with grandma and grandpa about house buying, shopping, and lending. we had a bit saved from our wedding, and your dad’s new job allowed him to save a bit for a down payment, so it seemed a good time to start. your mom worked so hard to organize everything- realtor selection, mortgage documents, everything. i did what i could, but without her organization and drive, it couldn’t have been done.

nothing in this world would stop her from bringing you home to the house you would grow up in, and painting a nursery in that home for you. nothing.

i saw in her the same drive and passion she had shown years ago when she helped me get my studies back on track and when she got me in line to graduate from undergrad. the same drive and passion she held me to when i promised her my best everything at our wedding. She wanted the best for you- a home where you would grow and love, and be loved.

the home i promised her, the home i never had and thought I’d never have, with a daughter i never thought i’d be blessed with, and a woman i’ll never deserve. all of it gracing my life

because i promised her a dachshund.